Once Ronald Dump had a late lunch in his Peach House dining room. He continued drawing circles with ketchup on the McDonald’s cardboard box, half-watching fake news. All channels were streaming the confirmation hearing for Dump’s Secretary of Morality, Representative Matt Baytse—a man known for his unique interpretation of public service—fielded questions.
“Is it true,” began Senator Sternly, adjusting his half-moon glasses, “that you once had sex with a minor on an air-hockey table?”
Lemonia, seated nearby with Dump’s phone in hand, paused her scrolling just briefly. Her face betrayed no expression, but her eyes flicked toward the screen, now filled with Baytse’s close-up.
Baytse leaned into the microphone, his expression resolute. “That’s not relevant, Senator. The important thing is that I won.”
Dump, watching from the Peach House, nodded approvingly. “What a winner. The best. He plays hockey. I love sports.”
Lemonia sighed and resumed scrolling. Dump squinted at Lemonia and said loudly, “Hey Google! Remind me to ask if we can make air-hockey tables great again. Huge potential there.”
“Sir, you’re using iPhone now,” replied Tim Cook from Lemonia’s hands, “but I’ll let Sundar know.” Dump snatched the phone and stormed outside.
Lemonia stayed. She wanted to see more of Baytse.